And the thing is, you *cannot tell by looking* who is - or is not - abusive. I mean, this well educated, well spoken, charming man couldn't possibly be a violent abusive husband could he? Well yes he could.Įvery week men in suits or hoodies or expensive trainers or fine Italian shoes are abusive to their partners or the children they live with. The one time the police showed up, they simply said to keep the noise down. I honestly don't think anyone would have believed her if she'd said he was violent. Yet he would lock me out of the house so he could beat my mother to a pulp on a regular basis. He ran teams, managed budgets, was highly competent at work. How about a man who wears a suit and tie to work? Who manages a department in a university? Who has multiple degrees, with letters before and after his name? A man that women find charming, witty, who throws great parties and is respected at work? Does he fit your idea of an abuser? And that will be true for some abusers, but not all of them. If you watch the TV then you may think a man who beats his wife smokes, takes drugs, wears hoodies and has a nasty glint in his eye. You hear people say 'oh he doesn't seem the type' or, 'I've always got on all right with him' or even, 'he doesn't look like he'd hurt his family'.

How do you spot an abuser? No really, it's a serious question. Normally I'd say pink is sooo not my colour but this is one pink I'm proud to wear.

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